OOC Bleach
by Kurotsuki-Tenchi
Summary: Grimmjow and Ulquiorra are sent out by Aizen, to kill Kisuke Urahara. But what seems like a short mission, turns out to be more then what's bargained for. More summary inside. CAUTION: EXtreme XD OOC-ness XD By Black Dragon41.
1. The outbreak begins

Summary:An outbreak of stupidity and randomness has entered the wonderful world of Bleach. Unfortunately, only one character manages to keep their sanity as the others slowly lose it. It starts out as Grimmjow and Ulquiorra out on a mission to kill Urahara, but what seems like a short mission turns out to be more then what was bargained for.

**Notice:****I am Black Dragon, Not Kurotsuki-Tenchi! We have one computer, one email-address, Dial-up, and 28.8 kilobytes (kbps). As the younger sister of Kurotsuki-Tenchi we have to share, so this is my Fic. Also! I have read up in the manga to 367, this story doesn't go by the original storyline. The more living characters, the more fun. XD**

**Disclaimer:****I do not own Bleach, or any of it's characters. I don't own decaff coffee, or anything else in this story except the story itself. I don't own Grimmjow or Ulquiorra (Turquoise, we call him!) and if you think so, you may be the world's biggest retard! We are then entitled to pound you to death with a dead hobo! (Accessories not included.)**

It would of been a typical day to torment the souls in the world of the living, if it wasn't for an outbreak of the stupid. For some reason all of the Espada were acting strangely, even Aizen himself. I was sent out on a mission to kill Kisuke Urahara, and Ulquiorra was sent along with me (bad idea). I didn't know why they wanted that weirdo dead, he was somewhat of a threat but nothing Aizen couldn't kill himself. As the sixth Espada, I was out to get higher in the ranks and become strong enough to be king (or so I wanted). But I was not going to listen to him, he let my arm get destroyed (I was lucky enough to get it back thanks to that healing woman). Hell No was I going! Aizen growled at me after I suggested that I'd rather cut off my other arm, it was very strange. All of the other Espada joined him in growling and made anger faces at me. Now I was starting to believe that I was the only sane one here, so I chose to ignore the creepy situation. Unfortunately, I had to take on that damn mission that almost drove me insane. I've heard that Urahara was strong, but why care, if I'm lucky I'll get to kill him and that shinigami. We reached that odd little store where he lives, that's where things went wrong and started to turn out really weird.

Grimmjow and Ulquiorra approached the door, it was far too quiet inside. Grimmjow kicked the door down, but no one was there.

"Where is he? Aizen said he'd be here."

"Well...they must of know we were coming, lets wait for them to get back."

"What? I'm not waiting all day, I say lets hunt him down."

"That is not wise, Aizen's orders..." Ulquiorra was interrupted,

"I don't give a shit about the orders, he told us to kill the guy, not how we kill him."

Ulquiorra was just about comment, when he felt Urahara's spirit pressure. "Do you feel that? I feel a disturbance in the force. I believe he's here now." They turn around.

"Well about time, I was beginning to grow impatient with that guy."

Urahara along with Tessai, Jinta, and Ururu were packing groceries. "Hey guys, what's up?" Urahara waved his hand at them,

"Hello to you too, I hope you are prepared to die." Grimmjow pulled out his sword and charged at them. Just when he was about to bring his sword down on Urahara, he grabbed the sword.

"Can't you see were packing groceries?" he was smiling.

"What? You don't have any thing in your hand except that ugly fan."

He threw the sword to the side. "I'm leading my friends into the shop, care to join?"

"What!!! I'm trying to kill you!" Grimmjow confused as hell.

"Well before battle you should enjoy a nice cup of coffee, it's on the house. You can come too Ulquiorra."

Ulquiorra began to walk away, "No, we don't have time to fool around."

"Are you sure, we also have decaff?" He said in a heavenly tone.

Ulquiorra turned around slowly, and he was all too serious. "Decaff?"

"Don't listen to that guy Ulquiorra, he's starting to freak me out."

"I would love to join you."

Grimmjow looked awkwardly at Ulquiorra, "What... in the hell... did just you say?"

"Come Grimmjow, it would be rude to ignore his hospitality."

"Hell No! Were here to kill him not to join him in a tea par....." Ulquiorra quickly throws his hand over Grimmjow's mouth.

"Remember, we are to never speak those words. Ever!"

Grimmjow pushes him away, "So I forgot how obsessed Aizen is with his tea, big deal. And what is wrong with you? (He's totally lost it.)

"Your coming in and your going to polite, are we clear?"

"I hate you."

"Now show us into your lovely place."

"I knew you would wanted to come, please enjoy your time." Urahara showed them the door. They walked into the room behind the shop, there is a small table and Tessai prepared the coffee then brought it to the table.

"Please sit and enjoy the finest coffee we have to offer."

Jinta pours them a cup, "Please drink it, we almost never have company over." He's crying and begging down on his knees, "PLEASE ENJOY!!!".

"_Okay_? (what a drama queen)"

Ururu sits by Grimmjow, "Damn Moochers!"

"What did you just call me you little brat!" Grimmjow raised his fist in anger.

Ulquiorra kicks Grimmjow, "Don't be rude." He continues to drink his coffee.

"Damn you! Hurry up so we can finish this mission and go home."

"Why are you not drinking your coffee?"

"I hate coffee!" Just as he said that Renji comes up through the training area, Chad just behind him.

"Why are their Espadas here Kisuke? Are you trying to pull a prank on me again?"

"No, they paid us a visit, so I treated them to some coffee."

"What? You never treat me to anything! But that's okay, I forgive you." He said smiling.

"You have been training hard, both of you. Would you like some coffee?"

(SOMEONE! Please tell me that I'm dreaming!) Grimmjow thought.

"Sorry, but you're not." Kisuke spoke aloud.

"Are you reading my thoughts?"

"_Maybe_." He said in a very disturbing tone. Then he asked a very odd question. "And would you please stop shoplifting? I don't get much customers or much income, it's sad really."

Grimmjow was now very confused, he reached into his pocket. He found was several pieces of candy. "How in the hell did this get in here?"

"You stole it Damn Moochers, we give you free coffee and then you steal from us! Ururu stood up complaining.

"That's it I'm out of here, I can't take it anymore! Screw the damn mission!" He got up and ran out of the shop.

"How uncivilized of him, more coffee please?" Ulquiorra holds out his cup.

Chad and Renji sit at the table, "So why kill Urahara? He's a great and reliable guy you know." Renji questioned.

"Sorry, but Aizen believes that he has become a threat. I don't know what threat he could pose other then strength and wit, maybe it's jealousy or pride. I'll never fully understand him."

"You're wrong!" Chad smashes his fist onto the table. "It is because he's weak, why else use hit men for his job!" Chad stirred in fury, "If I ever see that man, then I'll shove this table up his ass!"

"Calm down Chad. For your age, save the rage for the cage. You need more psychological training. Renji! After you finish your coffee, please take Chad out to train again please." Kisuke requested.

"Okay, I would love to help. Chad still has his anger issues, but I'll work with it."

"Maybe you could train Grimmjow too, he really needs anger management." Ulquiorra suggested.

"Fuck you!" came a loud voice from outside the building.

* * *

**A/N: This is my first-ever story posted Fan-Fic, although I had already typed on other stories (Just never got around to finish first chapters and post). ****Please review****! I respect all opinions, even if their good or bad. I would also ask you to visit the Kurotsuki-Tenchi profile to vote on a poll, to see what Bleach characters you would like to see appear in the next chapter. Next chapter will be posted eventually, so look out for it. Thank you!**


	2. Mission failed

**Summary: Grimmjow and Ulquiorra have yet to complete their mission. Will they complete it, or will they be forced to confront Aizen over their failure? **

**Notice:**** I am Black Dragon, Not Kurotsuki-Tenchi! We have one computer, one email-address, Dial-up, and 28.8 kilobytes (kbps). As the younger sister of Kurotsuki-Tenchi we have to share, so this is my fic. Also! I have read up in the manga to 367, this story doesn't go by the original storyline. The more living characters, the more fun. XD**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Bleach, Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, Ichigo, Aizen, or a pink Zangetzu. And If you think so, then I am entitled to blow you up with a rocket launcher (grenades are optional).**

He paced back in forth in front of the shop waiting on Ulquiorra. "Damn mission! Damn Ulquiorra! Damn Ai...zen?" Grimmjow saw what looked like a small patch of pink grass in a dirt patch beside of the building. "What in the hell?" He walks over curiously, and pulls it up. Awkwardly a man was attached to it. Ichigo was halfway out of the ground.

"Owww! I'm trying to sleep, and if you don't mind please rebury me..." He said in a very lazy tone.

(It's that damn orange headed shinigami) "What in the hell... are you doing, and why is your hair pink?"

Ichigo only yawns. "Cause it's a relaxing color, and it's comfortable."

Grimmjow's eye twitches. "And you are sleeping in the dirt why?"

"It's warm under here."

"What in the fuck is wrong with you? Errr, never mind." He grabs Ichigo's shirt, and pulls him out of the ground. "I came here to kill you, so fight me right now!"

Ichigo somehow falls asleep in his grasp. "What?" Grimmjow then shakes him violently. "Wake up moron! I want to fight, right now!" Ichigo wakes up instantly.

"Okay, just a minute." He pulls himself from Grimmjow's grip, falls down then gets up and stumbles around. "Lets." He yawns again. "Take the fight to Kisuke's training area, don't wanna hurt civilians out here."

"I don't care where we fight, as long as I kick your ass!"

"Okay. The training area is just... below." He continues to sway back and forth.

"Good! How about a short cut!" Grimmjow punches him hard in the chest, Ichigo bursts through the ground and lands inside the desolate area. He falls fast and smacks the ground hard, and remains there motionless. "Don't tell me your dead yet shinigami." He jumps down, into the training area.

Ichigo pulls himself up. "Nope, just sleepy."

"Then stand up and fight! I want you to pull that damn mask on and hit me with all you've got! Unsheathe your sword, use your bankai. I want a good fight to the death!"

He tried to form a mask, but to no avail. "Sorry, I'm too tired, can we just call it a day?" Yawning again.

"What? No! I came to fight you, now use your bankai!" Grimmjow getting more pissed each second.

Ichigo somehow uses bankai, but something was weird about his zanpakuto.

"Pink.....? Why in the hell is your sword pink?"

"Zangetzu also likes the color, it is quite comfortable."

"Errr, you're screwed in the head like the rest!"

"Rest? Finally!" He falls straight back onto the ground, almost instantly asleep.

Grimmjow stood there for a second, on the verge of ripping out his hair.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

"Like I was saying, it is our mission to kill you Kisuke."

"Are you sure you want to? I do make the best coffee and tea."

"That is where you are wrong, my dear enemy. Aizen makes the best tea, there's no denying it."

"But you haven't tried my tea just yet, would you like to?" Urahara suggests.

"I would love to. In fact I insis...." Grimmjow grabs the collar of Ulquiorra's white hakama, and drags him on the floor through the shop. "What are you doing Grimmjow? I was just about to try some tea."

"We're getting the hell out of this place!"

"The mission, we haven't finished it."

"That's too damn bad, it's your fault anyway!"

Ulquiorra crossed his arms over his chest, and ranted. "You could of least let me try the tea."

"Hell no! You're acting strange, along with that shinigami." They left the building, Grimmjow continued to drag him down the road.

"What are you talking about? I am perfectly fine. And would you please stop dragging me, I'm getting dirty. Luckily none of the humans can see us, or they'll think we're an insane yaoi couple."

"No comment!" Grimmjow growled under his breath, not wanting to even begin to imagine what Ulquiorra just said.

The streets were loaded with people, several passing by humans stared oddly at the bizarre color of his hair and the pale guy being dragged behind through the streets. Grimmjow started to watch the passing humans who shot odd looks at him, they shouldn't be able to even see him. One particular human yelled out, asking him why was he dragging the poor emo looking guy around.

He looked back and responded "None of your damn business! (He shouldn't be able to see me).Why are these streets so crowded? There's almost never any humans outside in broad daylight." [**A/N**: In anime/manga, there's really no one on the streets!]

"The question should be more like; Why aren't we flying or using the portals to get back to Aizen?" Ulquiorra pointed out.

"What?"

"You heard what I have said." Grimmjow releases Ulquiorra's hakama.

"Err... It's because everyone... and you, has gotten me so damn frustrated, that I had actually forgot that about the fucking portal! That's just great, now I'm starting to sound like Nnoitra with all of this excessive cursing! Damn spoon."

"If you would of let me just drink the tea, then we could have finished the job. Now we must confront Aizen and tell him that we failed."

"What do you mean _we_? You're the one who screwed it up! I'm not losing an another arm over this, forget it!"

"Were going back, and that is final! It would be rude to run from our failures." He opens a gate.

"Fine! But you're going to take the blame." They than returned to Hueco mundo.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

The two stood before Aizen in his high chair, both a little disappointed. Grimmjow however more than the other.

"Aizen we had failed at completing your request, my sincerest apologies." Ulquiorra bowed his head.

"It wasn't my fault this time, Ulquiorra just sat there and associated with the enemy. In fact he wouldn't even let me attack." Grimmjow pointed out.

Aizen continued to stare down on them, bestowing a slight glare. Gin is in the corner of the room giggling at them. "In deep trouble, now aren't we?"

Grimmjow glared at Gin then turned back to Aizen. "I'm telling you that he was the reason why we returned as complete failures!" He continued to protest. "At first I tried to attack, but Ulquiorra decided not to help me. And then that damn hippie offered him coffee..."

"Decaff." Ulquiorra stood to correct him.

"Anyways! I couldn't fight Kisuke because of _Him_!" Grimmjow pointed at the green-eyed one. "So I went to look for that damn orange headed shinigami to pick a fight, and oddly he had pink hair. And did I mention he was sleeping in the ground, well it's not that important. Then he also turned out to be retarded like Kisuke, he was so lazy that he couldn't even stand for more than a minute. So I quit and dragged Ulquiorra from that place. And the whole way here, he only argued with me cause he didn't get to try out Urahara's tea. Something really weird is going on and I..."

"Tea? Ha, he tries to make it better than me. What a fool." Aizen interrupts.

"Wha...?" Grimmjow questioned.

"Urahara thinks that he can throw a better tea party than me, and even inviting his foes. Ingenious! Well that will have to change."

"Does this mean you'll send me out to kill him, with someone who will actually help and not screw around with the mission?"

"No, I have other plans. Now leave me to decide how I'll take care of this problem. Gin! Bring me a pencil and paper, and an envelope."

"Yes sir."

"As for the both of you, I'll send you out on another mission later so be well rested."

He sighed. Him and Ulquiorra responded. "Yes my lord."

They walked into the lounge. Several arrancar and espada gathered in the room associating in small groups.

"What do you think our next mission is?" Asked Ulquiorra.

"Like I would know. I didn't even get a decent fight."

Out of a crowd Orihime stomps towards them angrily. "Did you touch my Ichigo!?"

"Well... not really." Grimmjow scratches head, looking away. Knowing well that he punched the shit out of him.

"You damn liar!" She bitch slaps him hard across the face.

"Oh shit that hurts! Why did you do that for!"

"You hurt my poor Kurosaki. No one messes with my Ichigo!"

"How would you know anyway?"

She points to the green-eyed guy. "Ulquiorra told me all about your little fight. Ichigo didn't want to fight and you forced him to."

Grimmjow looks at Ulquiorra and glares fiercely at him. "How did you know I fought against the shinigami? Ulquiorra kept his mouth shut and walked away.

"Get back here damn it!" She slaps him again. "Stop that!"

"And that was for pulling his hair!"

Gin walks in. "Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, the captain will see you now."

"Thank you Aizen, this crazy bitch is slapping the shit out of me. And Ulquiorra, if you dare rat me out again then it'll kill you!"

"Orihime asked me if you touched the shinigami and I couldn't lie, that would be disrespectful." They walked back through the doors. Aizen was smiling oddly.

"She's trash to you, along with everyone but Aizen." Grimmjow ignored Aizen's smile, and continued to rant over Ulquiorra's odd behavior.

"I would never even think that! It's hurtful to say such things to others."

"Lying shit. You're supposed to despise almost everything, and acting this way only proves that you have gone insane."

"Never." He said sadly.

The once again stood before Aizen, still disappointed with the failure of the last mission. "I have a new mission, that you will complete. To make sure you don't fail, I'll send more recruits with you Grimmjow."

"What, they'll only get in my way!"

"Listen, your next mission is to deliver a letter. Like it or not, you will not fail me this time. "

"Delivery, what do I look like? A mail man?"

"Yes, you are to deliver it to Yamamoto-san in the Soul Society." Grimmjow almost fell over with shock, but positioned himself upright.

"What letter? Your hands are empty!"

"Look in your pocket, it's been there the whole time."

"What?" He reaches into it and pulls out the envelope. "First candy and now paper? What in the Hell...?"

**A/N: There was a tie between Hitsugaya and Orihime in the last poll and Orihime was the one chosen for the chapter, you'll see her again soon and Hitsugaya as well. Please Read & Review. ThanX. There will be another poll, so visit **_**Kurotsuki-Tenchi**_**'s** **profile! **


	3. Life is a Blitch!

Black Dragon41's Fic:

Summary:** Grimmjow and Ulquiorra have a new mission from Aizen, to deliver an important letter to Yamamoto in the Soul Society. And they are not going alone.**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Bleach, Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, Aizen, Wonderwiess, Nnoitra, Lupi, or Yammy. And if you think otherwise then I am entitled to cero your face off.**

"A letter to the Soul Society! Are you insane? That's practically suicide! And all for a letter, this is pointless." He waves the letter around in his hand. "To save you trouble you could of sent Gin or Tousen, they would at least know where to go and how to avoid conflict."

"Are you telling me that you are weak and incapable of such an easy task?" Aizen pointed out. "If this is the case then I'll have to send out the rest without you, and Ulquiorra will have to become the leader."

"What? Not him!" He pointed at Ulquiorra.

"Well… you're telling me that you'd rather not take on my mission."

"I have the letter and I'll deliver the damn thing. Happy?"

"Much. Gin let the rest of the squad in please."

"Okay." He walks over to the large doors and swings them open, the first to walk in was Wonderwiess. Grimmjow turns around to see, and is shocked.

"What? Not him, please not that brainless retard?" Wonderwiess becomes furious at the sexta's words.

"And just who are you implying as a insufficient and sub average cognitive functioning child? That is prejudice! Retardation is a diagnostic term designed to capture and standardize a group of disconnected categories of mental functioning such as moron and imbecile. 'Your simple name calling' is pejorative and shameful connotations from over the last few decades due to the use of 'retarded' as an insult."

"What in the hell are you talking about?" He was becoming greatly confused.

"Intellectual disability resides with in your conscious, you are not capable to above-average cognitive ability." He sticks his tongue out at Grimmjow.

"Okay, now this is weird. I should be way smarter than him."

"But you are not."

"Shut up Wonder-wuss!" The next to walk into the room was Lupi.

"What in the hell! He's supposed to be dead!"

"Well I'm not now am I, and since you are failing missions that means that I could probably take your position as the sixth espa…?" Grimmjow without hesitation, forms a cero in his hand and blows Lupi's head clean off. The rest of the body falls to the floor.

"Now who else is coming on this pointless trip?" Yammy walks through the door silently giggling like a school girl.

"You killed Lupi… again? It's much more funnier when you get outsmarted… by a tiny retard." Once again Wonderwiess was outraged.

"You should be the one to talk, your brain capacity is like that of a dinosaur. Your lack of intelligence is dropping my IQ as you speak, someone of your stature has bronze but lacks in the brains department. I give pity the outstandingly deficient, such as yourself."

"Really?" He giggled. Wonderwiess only sighs.

"I am getting a sense that Grimmjow is very displeasing with the squad thus far Aizen, he doesn't seem to take a liking to us. That's just disrespectful." Ulquiorra suggested.

"I hate all of you! Especially now that all of you are Fucked up." The next espada walks through the doors, with a big smile on his face. "And speaking of the hated, is that damn Nnoitra coming too? This sucks!"

"Hello my friends, this is going to be the best mission ever." He throws his arms into the air and hugs Grimmjow.

"Get off me!" He shoves Nnoitra off himself. "What in the hell is your problem?"

"Well…? I hated being a big asshole, so I decided to become everyone's best friend and spread the love. I have also gave up my disgusting potty mouth and now I am so happy."

"Stay away from me or I'll break that happy face of yours. Damn spoon."

"That wasn't very nice Grimmjow, he only wanted to be your friend." Said Ulquiorra. Nnoitra runs over and hugs him.

"Thanks for standing up for me, that was so nice!"

"Why your welcome."

"I think I am going to be sick." He hides his face with his hand.

"Better… get the … bucket." Yammy giggles in between the words.

"Aizen. Please tell me that this is all, I don't think I can handle any more screws?"

"They are the only ones who are going to accompany you on this trip, Grimmjow. Now about the mission, get the letter to Yamamoto. Think you can handle it?" He takes a sip from his tea.

"Of course, if our men are screwed over this bad then I wonder how the shinigami of the Soul Society would be like. This will probably be the easiest mission ever, I'd could just ask them to let me in and deliver the letter, and then they can politely cut us up into pieces and deliver our remains back to you." He said sarcastically.

"Then deliver it, and do not open it. It is very private, I had better not hear that you broke the seal or the blame goes to the both of you and there will be consequences. Are we clear?" They both reply.

"Yes my lord!"

"Weather we like it or not, we will still deliver the package Aizen. It seems that some of us, I am referring to Grimmjow, will do the job even if it kills him."

"Ulquiorra, you don't even know if they have gone insane like us…, well not me anyway."

"Only one way to find out, now to the Soul Society with you all of you. I have more important tasks to attend to." Aizen rose from his chair and jumped down. "Oh.! One more thing. If you fail me then don't return, I have no need for useless soldiers in my army." He then walks through the doors with Gin.

"So Aizen, why are you not sending Stark, Harribel, or Barragan? They are much more stronger than the squad that you have put together." Questioned Gin.

"Yeah, like I would send off my three strongest for such a simple task. I can always have the rest replaced." He smiled wickedly.

"Well…? What about the Szayel, Aaroniero, and Zommari, they make up the bottom of the list?"

"They do, but the weaker half of the arrancar are also the smartest. It's harder to replace brains with bronze these days, I know I had made the right choice."

"Okay I understand that now. But what about Wonderwiess, he seems to have become intelligent just like you had predicted."

"Trust me they'll need brains for this mission."

"Good one!" Gin replied. Tousen comes out of his room and walks up to them.

"Why didn't you let me go on that mission? I could of done it in no time flat!" Tousen was very pissed. He had heard from a flirting Harribel, that a new mission was out and he was not among the party.

"Tousen, the only reason why you are not going on this mission is because of your unquenchable thirst for unjustified blood. I can't have you killing off the enemy just yet, I already have a plan to deal with them later. I am so sorry that you can't go on this one, but maybe next time."

"Fine, but next mission, I will get blood. Weather it is from the enemy or from our own." He stomps off through the hall way.

"Wow, someone is in a grumpy mood today." Gin stated.

"Likely."

"So, Aizen. Can I go shopping now? Please?"

"Not yet. There's too much to worry about."

"Awww, I just want to go to the mall." He said sadly.

"Later."

________________________________________________________________________________

Grimmjow sighed heavily, looking at his small dysfunctional squad. Nnoitra raises his hand in the air, waving it to ask a question.

"What do you want?" He said angrily.

"So… Are we going to make some friends on this trip? I would like to ask them to join on my facebook friend list."

"If we run into any '_Friends'_, then we'll have to kill them. That is if you and the rest of you don't screw up and get us killed first. And by the way, you can add them to the 'dead list' instead."

"Awww…"

"Can we resolve conflict with a little socialization? It would be a lot faster and we will not have to fight. It's a perfect plan, wouldn't you say." Ulquiorra spoke up.

"No! I didn't get to fight at all on the last mission. Besides, I am forced to go with all of you, and I know that boredom and insanity is a guarantee."

"Grimmjow is sparring all you ever foreboded about? Culling fights with many imputents, will only certain our demise, it takes strategy. Once again, you are not so sharp in the cerebellum membrane."

"Wonder-wuss, I am leading this group so shut up!"

"What a disappointment for such a superior forerunner. It is clear that Ulquiorra should be the one to bulge us since his position of Aizen's squadron is at a higher standard then us. In fact I am questioning anyone's leadership potential, other than myself. I should be the legitimate dignitary."

"Aizen probably appointed me because he has noting better to do other than torture me, why else would he group me up with all of you and then tell me to go on an nearly impossible mission cause I have a squad of nonviolent losers! We'll most likely be jumped by forty or fifty shinigami and beat to death, I don't even know why I am doing this! Damn! Life is a bitch!"

"It's called pride, and Aizen hates you." Wonderwiess replied back.

"He… hates… you? That's… hilarious!" Yammy jumped into the conversation.

"All of you are imbeciles! I demand you to take full control over this… squad."

"I don't want to be violent against our new friends. Friends shouldn't fight!"

"They are not our friends!"

"Then what are they Grimmjow?"

"Enemies, you damn spoon!"

"The way that you are associating us, is like we are your foes."

"Sometimes like now, I can't even get you to listen to me." Ulquiorra just stands in the midst of the fight on the brink of an outrage.

"I think that… you are taking this… too seriously…" His giggling is more girly now.

"Out of it Yam…."

"Please! Everyone just be quiet for a moment!!!" Ulquiorra snapped. Everyone shuts up and stares at the green-eyed espada. He only scratches the back of his head, and stares at the ground sadly. "Sorry guys, I am having coffee withdrawals."

"Look, I don't care if Aizen hates me or if I am not that good of a leader. I was given an order and so I will lead as proposed. Now, is there any more questions before we leave?" And just as Grimmjow predicted, Nnoitra raises his hand in the air.

"Umm, can you use less cuss words, its making me sad."

"What kind of question is that? No one is stopping my mouth, cussing relieves some of my anger."

"Sorry Grimmjow, but it only makes the situation more worse than what it is in now." Ulquiorra just stands there jittering from the lack of his decaff coffee.

"Fine! Any _other_ questions?" The spoon raises his hand up again.

"When are we leaving?"

Grimmjow turns around for a few seconds trying to calm down. "We were supposed to leave about ten minutes ago, but some of you can't stop bringing up ridiculous facts. So no more talking lets just go already, if anyone else interrupts me will get the same treatment as Lupi, Okay?"

He opens a gate and begins to walk through, Ulquiorra, followed by Wonderwiess, Nnoitra, then Yammy. Yammy somehow manages to trip and dominoes the rest of the squad, and Grimmjow is plowed under the other espada. He manages to pull himself out.

"Life is a Blitch!…. Wait… I mean Bitch! Damn you all!"

**A/N: Thank-you Lamekirby and gagboy for the reviews. Please Review, and thank you for reading. !**


	4. The Wall: part 1

_**BlackDragon41's fic **_

_**Summary:**__** Grimmjow and Ulquiorra set out on the mission to the Soul Society with their squad, and must deliver the letter. Problem: Multiple problems stands in their way, how will get through it all?**_

_**IMPORTANT Note:**__** I was just**_** going to place Grimmjow, and Ulquiorra in the Seiteirei but, it wouldn't be as much fun if I didn't screw around with their portal and send them on a small (Actually huge) adventure through the Rukon districts. Only two things stand in their way, or is there more? **

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, Bleach, the Rukon Districts, the portals, or a copy on tape of Grimmjow losing to an old man. And if you think so, then I am then entitled to go to your house at 2:00 in the morning and constantly ring your door bell until you answer or go insane. **

**The Wall: Part 1**

They walked out of the portal in the middle of a street, just about every being around stared oddly at them. "Here we are! And what a lovely place indeed."Ulquiorra happily looks around.

Grimmjow looks awkwardly at his surroundings. Small beaten up housing units lined down the road and stretched for miles. The place let out a rancid smell in which he ignored, or tried to anyway. "What are you talking about? This place is a dump! And just when I thought the shinigami would have a better place than us. It smells, and it looks like shit. And what is with all of the people, they are beaming at us like we're freaks. They're the damn freaks, gawking at nothing."

"Grimmjow, that was uncalled for and unnecessary to say. At least their place is not as white, you would have to admit that."

"Yeah, it's sad that us bad guys have to wear and live with the color white. But it's more ironic how shinigami wear black since they are the good guys. How are we supposed to find that very old man here in this trash heap."

"It's not trash!"

"Yes it is!"

"I think you are over reacting."

"Shut the hell up and look around, the buildings look like they would crumble just by staring at them!"

"The both of you are hysterical. It is more apprehensible that this slum is indeed filthy and rubbish, but within this conurbation is a civilization, so it can not be contemplated as 'Trash'. I would call it below-average standard living, it's basically poverty-stricken."

"Shut up Wonder-wuss, it's a dump. We don't need a genius to tell us that this place is pathetic and poor, it's kind of obvious."

"I am completely exasperated by your deplorable words. You just don't understand the complexity of my brilliance."

"The only thing that you are _brilliant_ at is annoyance!"

Nnoitra jumped in Grimmjow's face waving his hands. "Hey Grimmjow!" He just stood there trying to ignore the _other_ annoyance, that was a spoon. "Hey Grimmjow! Hello Grimmjow! Yooou...hoo.. Grimm!"

"What!!!"

"Which way do we go?" He looked to the left and then the right there was no sense of direction to any of them. Were they lost?

"We have to look for a very, very old man, so we'll walk around until we stumble into one."

"Ohhhh…? You mean like that one." He points at a random old and poor stranger sitting outside of the building holding a cup with a few coins in it. Nnoitra pointed out.

"Well… He's old, works for me."

"Grimmjow, I don't believe that he is the one we are looking for. The one called Yamamoto is said to be rich and live at a higher estate."

"Ulquiorra, he's an old guy. In fact he's the oldest man that I had ever seen. Well, other than Barragan." He approaches the oldster and pulls him off the ground by the collar of his shirt, and forces the letter in his hand. "Alright Yamamoto, Aizen has a message for you."

He angrily bites Grimmjow's hand, and he threw himself to the side with reflexes of that of a healthy Olympian. "And just who are you and who in the hell is this Aizen? You've got some nerve disrupting my useless life. I am Kane, not some Yamamoto guy!"

He shakes his hand in pain. "Oww, you mother Fuc…."

"Grimmjow! I had asked you to stop cursing, and Ulquiorra had seconded that." Nnoitra interrupted.

"He is correct, you can't just go and be so harsh on the elderly."

"He bit me, that dam**z** guy is going down!"

"Ha ha ha ha….. Grimmjow is fighting with an old man…. Hilarious!"

"Can it Yam!"

"I just can't stop laughing! You kill me Grimmjow! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Oh, I will kill you alright!"

The old man put up his fists and jumped around like a champion boxer. "You want to be beaten down by an old guy huh? Make my day!"

"That's it, you die!"

"Oh yeah?! You think you can get by me?

"Fu**n**k off loser! I'll cut you to pieces." He pulls out his Zanpakuto and runs at the man.

"Grimm, the cursing?"

"Shut up spoon! I didn't cuss!" He slashes at the man, but the old geezer jumped into the air with outstanding speed and brought his foot down onto the espada's back, and sent Grimmjow crashing face forward onto the ground.

"Damn tourists! You won't even get close to the Soul Society with that kind power!"

"What?"

"The Soul Society doesn't have tourism during the fall and winter, you are all wasting your….."

"Wait. One moment elderly gentleman." The oldie looks at Wonderwiess. "Do you allude that we are not in the Soul aristocracy now?"

"Hell no! You be here in the ghetto of the Rukon Districts. You're in one of eighty. This is the eightieth district." He spits at the ground.

"Can you tell us anything about the Rukon?"

"No! So fuck off!"

"Whoa! I never imagined that he would be so hateful." Ulquiorra shakes his head in disgust.

"I have had enough! You…will…die!" Grimmjow pulls himself off the ground and raises his Zanpakuto. "Grin…" Ulquiorra smacks his sword out of his hand like a mother to a child.

"You will absolutely not attack this poor defenseless elder, especially with your released form. You are really taking this mission way too seriously. Our mission is to deliver a letter, not slaughter helpless old men."

"Back off, he is not defenseless! Did you see how fast he maneuvers? It's unbeliev…."

"Our mission is within the Soul Society, out here doesn't count so compose your anger and adrenaline for later. It's Aizen's orders."

"WHO FUCKING CARES ABOUT AIZEN!!!" He points his finger at Nnoitra who rose his hand. "Don't you dare say it damn spoon. I'll fucking kill you!"

"Umm… I'll keep my mouth shut now." He places his hand over his mouth and walks away.

"Alright Ulquiorra, I'll not waste anymore time on this asshole. And don't you better complain about my rudeness! Now lets go!"

"That's right chicken shit! Keep walking." Grimmjow turns away trying to ignore the oldie's insult.

"So where to now Grimmjow? This place is quite vast if you ask me, and to think that we are in only the eightieth district too." Ulquiorra continues to look in all directions.

"Yeah, so I guess we'll have to go to the first district to enter. Shit! I'll be walking forever." He picks up the letter and shoves it into his pocket. "Now, which way to the first district?"

"I don't know."

"Heeee…heee, we're lost. Ha, this is the funniest mission ever. Thank you Aizen! I needed something to do and I got this episode of Grimmjow losing to an old man as a bonus. Now only if I had recorded it." Snickered Yammy.

"I have seen it Yammy, if you ever want to view it then just come me."

"Damn it Ulquiorra! You and you're stupid eye recording crap."

"Yep! Ha ha ha ha ha. Aizen just has to see it, Grimm and his ass kicked by an old guy. Classic! We need to sell out copies." He then giggles uncontrollably.

"Ulquiorra!!! Now Yam will never let it go."

"Sorry."

"You know, we can ask for directions I am sure that one of these lovely residents can put us on the right path. Just remember to ask them nicely though." Nnoitra suggested.

"They won't tell us. We… are… their… mortal… enemies. In fact we should slaughter their asses! So why does Aizen limit our stupid mission anyway?"

"But I don't want to hurt them, I only want to be their friend."

"They want you dead. So yeah, we'll let them kill you, that way both sides win. I don't have to tolerate you, and they have one less enemy to worry about."

"Are they really that hateful?"

"Yes, so don't get friendly with anyone. Okay? Alright back to the mission. Which way are we going? I really don't know or care. I didn't even want to go on this little adventure and I really didn't need all of you to tag along."

"Ranting is quite pointless, lets complete the mission already. We will need directions Grimmjow, so ask someone."

Wonderwiess sighs. " Isn't it obvious. Imbeciles! The ingress placed us in the trajectory of the assignment. So we go through the collinear here." He points down the road that is crowded by souls.

"What?! Speak English Einstein!"

"The _Portal_… has _Placed_… _Us_… in a _Straight_… _Line_… that is the _Direction_… of the _Mission_! Did you get all of that?"

Yeah! But you didn't have to say it like that, I am not an idiot! Uhhh…"

"I am right, you know."

"You better hope you're right about this or I'll give you hell."

"Oh, but trust me. I am much more superior at propensity then the rest of you. So my co ordinance is very precise, I have no flaws when it comes to basic directs. Now lets move, only seventy-nine and 9.9999 districts to pass through."

"Damn this sucks!"

"Calm down Grimmjow, I've heard that walking is very healthy."

"Yeah, but it only applies to humans moron."

"What about flying?"

"I can't do that either! We should be able to fly, but were all screwed over, so for Aizen's sake, we have to walk on this fucking mission! I knew he'd find away to torture me. Damn you Aizen!

**A/N:**** Thank you to all of my reviewers for reading and even to those who read but don't review. (I know you're out there, Aizen's eyes are watching you. 0.0) But my special ThanX goes out to: LameKirby, FrEaKyAoIFan, and KSFWolfe. Grimmy and Ulqui plushies for you guys! Now please review. X) **

If you were wondering about the Blitch word... I made it up. When you play video games and get screwed over by a glitch, then you can call it a bitch, but i prefer Blitch! XD


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